Stood in the Congo

Stood in the Congo is now

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 21:01:00 +0300

Stood in the Maasai Mara and only stood in the Maasai Mara. All posts here will stop.

All change please, all change.

(You can find the beginning of this blog here).

"Hii, gari yako, ni kama wheelbarrow."

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 15:41:00 +0300

“Hii, gari yako, ni kama wheelbarrow.”

- Tunai

Proud Owner of a New Old Landrover.

Fri, 07 Aug 2009 09:25:00 +0300

White man.
Yes.
There's fire coming from your car.
Ah yes, I see it.
It's burning my leg.
Move your leg there.
Okay.

"The women these days, what do they wear? I don’t even need to right click and go to..."

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 11:43:21 +0300

“The women these days, what do they wear? I don’t even need to right click and go to properties.”

So what did the baboon do?

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 10:01:14 +0300

So what did the baboon do?
He came into my office.
To use your computer?
Yes, to use my computer.
Oh. Maybe he wanted to write to the baboons in England and see if the people over there are as bad as the people here.
Yes, maybe.

The German Management of MARA TIMBO CAMP invested much effort in...

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 13:35:29 +0300

The German Management of MARA TIMBO CAMP invested much effort in education of every butler and is very much interested to guarantee high quality standards.

White man.

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 15:19:00 +0300

White man.
Yes.
I went to the airstrip today and saw one hundred white men.
Aha.
And, you know, I have never been so scared in my whole life.
Why?
Swine flu.

"Hey Will, just thought you should know that there’s a school bus broken down by Fig Tree..."

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 15:49:00 +0300

“Hey Will, just thought you should know that there’s a school bus broken down by Fig Tree Crossing, with lots of children wandering around by the river… and there’s a pride of lions about 200 yards away.”

- Jeremy

William, can you come here and show me how to put the volume on?

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 11:24:00 +0300

William, can you come here and show me how to put the volume on?
Yes, it's here.
Ah, thank you. You know it's good to listen to music when one is working.
Yes, I agree.
Asante.
Karibu.
"Aaaah, oooh, yeah, that feels good"

Real Life Stories Stolen Every Day

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 10:53:12 +0300

Real Life Stories Stolen Every Day

Wife Beater Jailed for Stealing Brother's Ram

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 11:25:42 +0300

Wife Beater Jailed for Stealing Brother's Ram

"The chocolate bar was SO BIG we had to smash it into portions so that he could at least lift them...."

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 11:18:00 +0300

“The chocolate bar was SO BIG we had to smash it into portions so that he could at least lift them. I’m sure that if he’d had the strength he would have thanked you.”

- Via SMS

"It turned out he had once been the most august chairman of xxxx xx. We felt so sorry for him his..."

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 11:16:52 +0300

“It turned out he had once been the most august chairman of xxxx xx. We felt so sorry for him his condition and the terrible tale of his fall from grace and riches that we gave him all your pressies and chocolate.”

"Draped only in disgusting rags and crouched in partial shade on a threadbare prayer rug he was..."

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 11:14:57 +0300

“Draped only in disgusting rags and crouched in partial shade on a threadbare prayer rug he was holding a battered old bowl whilst mouthing alms bwana tafadali so painfully through grime laden cracked lips”

"Dear William yesterday whilst searching in a distinctly desperate fashion for any kind of lion..."

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 11:06:28 +0300

“Dear William yesterday whilst searching in a distinctly desperate fashion for any kind of lion sighting whatsoever we came across a poor beggar in an appalling physical state.”

Thursday in the Mara.

Thu, 28 May 2009 14:13:25 +0300

Reading the paper?
Yeah, I'm reading the paper.
Today's?
It's never today's, here it's always yesterday.
Um, Tuesday 26th?
Yeah you see, yesterday.

It's Our Turn to Eat

Sat, 23 May 2009 19:49:00 +0300

It’s easy to forget the sheer dreariness of Moi’s Kenya, when the system sought to crush the debate that leads to political challenge. The country’s small group of intellectuals felt besieged. ‘Books were incredibly important, things to be cherished,’ remembers Rasna Warah, a columnist for the Nation. Nairobi bookshops would not officially stock works deemed to offend the presidency, but they could usually be bought discreetly under the counter, hidden amongst a spray of magazines, if you knew the right code word. ‘You never knew for sure what had been officially gazetteed as a banned book,’ says Warah, ‘so you stashed your entire library under your bed. If you owed a book that might have been banned, you photocopied it and it circulated in A4 form, person to person, because then it was easy to hide amongst your ordinary papers.

p.131; It’s Our Turn to Eat, by Michela Wrong

"So I asked him, how do you kill a goat peacefully? And he said, we cover the mouth and the nose..."

Thu, 07 May 2009 07:28:00 +0300

“So I asked him, how do you kill a goat peacefully? And he said, we cover the mouth and the nose until he stops breathing. Ah, I said, so it’s not so peaceful for the goat? Yes, but it makes no noise.”

- Laura

"They tried to bite down on the meat, but instead they got the stone. Now all their teeth have..."

Wed, 06 May 2009 12:53:07 +0300

“They tried to bite down on the meat, but instead they got the stone. Now all their teeth have fallen.”

- Kimanjoi (I’m sure this sounds a lot better in Maa)

Small head explosions occured drinking tea today.

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 20:39:00 +0300

What, so the world is not flat?
No, it's round.
Really?
Yes.
Well that changes things.