Ndungeta :23: 17: 18 mincho oltau lino enguar ilaingokok...

“That crocodile will not make it into the Kingdom of God.”
— Jane, after watching a...

“It was the white man who discovered that the journey could...”
— Jane

Have you seen this man?

Have you heard of a young man by the name of John or Jonathan Deane, tall and blonde, 23 years. He...

A tiny feeling that this chap would be...

Am I to take it then that you are not amenable to facilitating my reporting on the subject? In my...

William, habari?
I'm good. Na wewe?
Can I see the internet to look at the news? I want to see if there have been any earthquakes since yesterday.
Earthquakes?
Yes, earthquakes and floods.

A Sunday at the pool in Kigali by Gil...

“If the methods seemed so inhuman, if the killers killed with such savagery, it was not...

Stuff that you're expected to know...

“Is it really true that Jesus is going to come again?”

Number One

You’ll never guess how much this time. 50 bob! That’s local prices. Well, local for...

The US$200 Million Dollar Photograph...

The British Business Association, in conjunction with the American Chamber of Commerce and the East...

Life, Death and Twitter on the African...

Torching Porches

Hello, I need a tent.
What kind of tent?
A two man tent.
Where will you be using it?
Well, it won't be me using it, but it'll be used when grazing cattle.
Where exactly?
The Maasai Mara. So it's sunny but it likes to rain.
What about this tent with the porch?
Ah yes, that would be a good idea, as he can cook in there if it's raining.
Yes, with a good camping stove you could open up both doors for proper ventilation, and the ground sheet is also fireproofed. What kind of stove would he be using?
Um. More like an open fire.
I cannot, under any circumstance, condone the use of an open fire in a tent. What about a tent without a porch?
Yes, that's probably a better idea.

Have you ever shot an arrow before?
No.
What? Are you telling me that you've never before killed a man?
Um.

Kenyan wildlife ranger who can spot a leopard from three miles away blogs to save animals with the...

Reading the land with Kimanjoi.

You see where it is making all of that shadow over there?
Yes.
That is a cloud.

The Hard Sell.

What toothpaste do you have?
We have Aquafresh, we have Colgate.
Aquafresh.
With Colgate, there's a free pen... If you don't have a pen, now you have.
Okay, Colgate.

I’ve gone to visit Saruni for a couple of days. Back soon.

“My son was called John, but one day I went home and found...”
— Kimojino

A number 1 all over.

Who cut your hair?
Dan in room number 10, did he do a good job?
Yes, very nice, how much did he charge you?
100 bob.
100 bob? That man is not serious, the price is 50 bob.
Yes, his excuse was that Mzungu hair was harder to cut and harder to clean up.
Next time you come to me, I have all the correct equipment.
Okay, next time I will come to you. How much will you charge me?
100 bob.
100 bob?
Yes, and I will give you a proper cut.

“If you don’t have a cow, then you are just waiting for...”
— Mzee up on the escarpment.

I’m reblogging my own blog posts. Brilliant. (via...

“Okay, some of them are genuine, but definitely for the...”
— Conversation about IDPs in...

Suddenly those salary sizes seem to make...

This place is dead, where is everybody?
They've gone to watch Kibaki announce the ministers and see who has got in. Everybody wants to know as maybe it's a brother or a friend of a brother.
It makes a difference?
Sure. Maybe today you are closer to being a rich man.

“The children of our grandparents, even our parents, when...”
— Joseph Talengo Kipirir (born...

Stood in the Blogroll

WildlifeDirect website has been down since last night leaving me twiddle my thumbs somewhat…...

Special thanks to Hideo Ogihara from Weeds Corporation. You...

The utopian solution - from Plato to Huxley by way of...

“Here is my house. It has five bedrooms and I have only one...”
— Nairobi Journalist.

14 months in Africa, and it's beginning...

Today I was sat in front of my laptop when the phone next to me started ringing. Kimojino then came...

Lost the Mara?

As part of the ‘aa’ not ‘a’ campaign now vehemently supported by the rangers...

You will have to take a Kit-Kat Chunky.

Tell me, there are still no snickers?
No snickers Bwana.
And no twixes either?
No Bwana, no twixes. We only have Kit-Kat. And it's Kit-Kat Chunky. No four fingers.
So what am I to do?
You will have to take a Kit-Kat Chunky.
Okay, I will take it for a good price. How much?
100 bob.
But that is the same price as a Snickers.
We take the price of all the chocolate, and then each one is sold at an average. So you see-ee, all those times you have been buying Snickers, you have been buying them at a good price.
And now I'm buying a Kit-Kat Chunky at a bad price?
Yes.
So not only am I disappointed with having to choose a Kit-Kat Chunky, I now also have to pay a bad price.
Now you know, each time that you bought a Snickers before, you should have been more happy.

Calling all bloggers.

Here is a badge for all you lovely bloggers to stick in your blogs. Here is the html code: You can...

Don't call it cattle rustling.

“While you were away, the hyena ate your soap.”
— Through its regular use, a...

“Just send 1000 via mpesa to my line if thats ok. my line...”
— SMS from a Journalist for the...

“You know, I have some friends from your country. I have...”

"Man caught is sexual act with dog"

It’s a shame that I left Nairobi just before things got back to normal. “Man dies after...

A Photo a Day

at Stood in the Maasai Mara.

4 + 2 FREE GRATIS

Amir Bazarbacha is my favourite ex-Foreign Legionnaire. Not only does he encourage me to...

Anonymous Vs. Scientology

“Give unto Ceasar what belongs unto Ceasar.”
— Interview with Mungiki leader:...

“Are you spending Valentine’s day with...

19h00: Stood Next to the Window.

A lot of gunshots here in Nairobi this evening. It actually sounds rather like fireworks, but...

“If you cannot control your wife, how do you think you can...”
— Simon; Background.

Stood in Denial.

My favourite taxi-man Simon is a Luo. Simon received a note last week, like this one, but he could...

“I used to laugh at tourists buying maps of Nairobi. I bought...”
— The obituary of Simiyu Barasa,...

Urgent Appeal to Save the Mara

    You can usually get on terms with people by helping them...

“The country feels at sea without a captain.”
— Leakey; Time Article by...

US disowns 'cleansing' charge

US envoy calls violence in Kenya "ethnic...

Source: Nick Wadhams

It's decided then.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to vote. It has been almost 24 hours since the poll was...

Uncertainty in Kenya

Following on from comments in a previous post, it seems that I am still somewhat uncertain of which...

"Stampede in Town"

“If you take a bus to my home town Kisumu, they stop you....”
— Simon, Taxi Driver in...

Possibly maybe.

Disposable razors it is.

On Thursday, the NGO I am leaving managed to re-employ me for someone else. And for the same salary...

...and we're back.

A prayer meeting was held in town today. When the police arrived the crowd got angry and the meeting...

Residents look at the body of a man killed during overnight...

A peace deal to end conflict in Eastern Congo is meant to be...

12:20pm

About an hour ago, trouble broke out once more in the city centre of Nairobi, around River Road.

Poverty Makes History

Sunday morning we left the rain, the riot police, the now ominous Kibaki Tena billboards (Kibaki...

Nairobi Now

My favourite taxi man stayed at home towards the end of last week, and so each evening after work we...

Full page advert in today’s Saturday Nation.

Mud Spies in Kibera, Nairobi.From the excellent Rob Crilly.

I am a Congolese from the eastern part of the Democratic Republic of Congo. That part of DRC...

Sukuma Kenya

Business as usual.

Although just before midday, from our office (very near Yaya), gun shots were heard.

Clashes in Kenya: New York Times

“While reading through the news I was mostly concerned with...”
— Oh dear. Source

4:50 pm

Roads leading to the centre of Nairobi have been closed. From the office window we have been...

2:30 pm

Spoke to soon. Reports on the radio that police are teargassing demonstrators on Kenyatta Avenue. A...

Whoever is in charge of the weather is doing a good job of...

“We have two choices, either go to work or march on the...”

Milimani Appartments, Nairobi

I borrowed a stack of DVDs and once bored of that I was going to read my book by the pool, maybe...

Near Yaya, Nairobi

Riot police are scattered throughout the city. There’s a fire engine outside Yaya Shopping...

Kivi Milimani, Nairobi

For safety reasons, office has been closed for tomorrow and Wednesday. Work plans inolving travel...

4:00 pm

Couple of cars overturned outside Nakumatt.  Apparently calls for mass protest are for Wednesday,...

3:15pm

“Small riots” on Dagorett Corner, Ngong Road. Fellow colleagues are leaving the office...

Stood in Nairobi

There are strong rumours that ODM will ‘go live’ this afternoon, calling for mass action...

Ushahidi - Report Acts of Violence in Kenya

Lamu becoming a memory. Back in Nairobi now, and the...

Mara to Nairobi takes 8 hours. 2 hours in and the steering...

Tracking Tourists in the Mara Triangle.

Stood in the Maasai Mara

I’m not sure if being curled up between two rangers out in the open Serengeti savannah can still be...

Japanese family stood in the Masai Mara. In the rain.

Lying Down in the Serengeti

The rains have been late this year and we are now realising that we can no longer know our seasons. Is there climate change in your country?
Yes, our summers are no longer as hot and our winters aren't as cold. We used to have snow but not any more... Why do you think we have climate change?
It is the end of the world.

“Will the UN really use force? Each time until now, when the...”
— Anon, Nord Kivu.

North Kivu: How to end a War

UN to join attack on Congo rebels

I’ve been away for a couple of weeks. This arrived yesterday:To All Agencies and INGOs...

Living in Fear: Camp Life in Congo

“Even the door is missing.”
— Manga Mutaka blames pillaging...

“Local eyewitnesses and field-workers say they have seen...”
— Extra Extra

“In a press conference held in Goma on 15th November, FARDC...”
— OCHA; 16/11/07

“232 children separated from Mayi Mayi forces in the Kivus by...”
— UNICEF Press Release

“The real risk is what everyone expects to happen: a major,...”
— Joe Bavier, the chap from...

“Tuesday’s events, when tens of thousands of Congolese...”
— UNHCR Senior Emergency...

“We were not contacted. This accord does not concern us. We...”
— FDLR president Ignace...

In Kigali, the Rwandan capital, The New Times, a newspaper close to the government, described the...

“Ugandan troops clashed with four Congolese rebels loyal to...”
— Reuters

“I saw the soldiers moving towards where the enemies had...”
— Reuters: Congo refugees flee...

“Who will listen to, inform and look out for the rural...”
— Extra Extra

“439 cases of cholera were suspected at the end of October in...”
— UNICEF

In China's Hands

“Kinshasa will detail a plan by December 1 to disarm the...”
— AFP

MONUC: Monthly Human Rights Assessment, Sep...